How to Stop Self-Sabotage: Change the way you speak to yourself
Have you ever been aware of your internal dialogue? It may be helpful to write down the words you constantly speak to yourself, or even record a voice-note of what it is your say to yourself. Becoming aware is the first step, as with most things.
We often are the hardest on ourselves. Being self-aware and accountable for the things we do wrong is necessary for our growth. However, when we beat ourselves up when we’re already down, it keeps us down. At times it can be a defense mechanism because of our personal history, but it can lead to avoidance in the thing we truly want to do, which is to make a change in ourselves. What is that change? It’s to stop making choices that are contrary to our own interest.
Becoming aware doesn’t mean the self-sabotage automatically stops, and it can actually demotivate a lot of us to give up on the possibility that we’re capable of change because we know what we think negatively about, and some even know why we think and do so, but are still unable to change. Why is that? Not knowing why can be quite frustrating and may lead us into another spiral downward in blaming ourselves with self-deprecating thoughts. This time it may seem like there’s no way up.
However, let’s change our mindsets by asking a different question: “Do I trust myself?” Are you often hesitating with a decision, or know the correct answer or way to do a thing, but outwardly play as if you don’t know or aren’t sure… If someone else was in your situation, would you confidently give them a clear and definitive solution, but struggle to do the same for yourself? If any are the case, there’s a disconnection between your practical, confident mind and it’s application to yourself. You don’t trust yourself in this case, or you don’t have the right strategy/consistency with changing your mindset.
In the case with loosing self-trust, the key is forgiveness; to forgive oneself first. Is it really that simple? Yes. Is it going to be easy? Well that’s for you to decide. The hardest things can be the simplest things, and forgiveness isn’t an easy task for a lot of us. It is helpful to have understanding. To have a bigger lense when analyzing why we made decisions that were harmful to ourself. Maybe we didn’t have the knowledge, or were going through hard times. When you practice compassion on yourself, you get a better understanding and free yourself from the old you.
Now, with anything, consistency is also key. In the beginning, have self-compassion may feel foreign, awkward and even wrong, but it’s in theses uncomfortable moments that if we bear for long enough and have endurance, then our mindsets will change.
3 practices in the gym that translate to mindset changes: to don’t quit on yourself
Set Realistic Goals:
It’s ok to have big goals for transformation. Just don’t expect them to come tomorrow or next month. That’s a sure way to give up and spiral into thinking you might not be good enough, you don’t have enough motivation, or it’s too hard. Setting smaller goals that’s achievable in a month, allows you to picture not only what your daily steps are, but also what weekly progress should look it. Once you meet one month’s goal, let it motivate you to crush goals month after month. In the same light, you should set realistic goals with changing your thoughts and don’t expect an overnight transformation.
Listen to Your Body:
“No pain, no gain.” That mindset limits your ability especially when it comes to strength training. Our ego’s will tell us to push through pain and keep lifting heavy weights with bad form. The number one cause of injuries from lifting isn’t from a traumatic “fall”/accident from lifting. It’s from repeated micro-damages usually from years of bad form. When you feel real pain when lifting, pause and take off some weight or modify to a similar exercise that doesn’t cause pain. That’s how you meet yourself where you are. That’s a smarter and faster way to get to your goals. “Grinding” through pain is only going to make the injury worse long-term and set you up for even greater setbacks. In terms of managing your thoughts, you also don’t want to ignore your true thoughts and emotions. If you’re frustrated or upset, tell the truth. The key is to practice grace when you think the opposite of what you want, and don’t lie to yourself in vain positive affirmation. Be truthful in every thought, and let the shift occur at the pace you need.
Celebrate Progress:
At times you will get frustrated because of setbacks and lack of progress. Working on goals is never a straight path even if that’s the fastest plan to get there. The reality is that there’s a flow to everything in life including progress towards goals. Once you understand and accept that truth, it’ll get you out of the funk easier when you do fall off course. Also, understanding that progress isn’t always seen physically is the key to refinding motivation. Improvements in mood, sleep, and flexibility are all areas to be celebrated. The internal changes that we often don’t count are the ones that will lead us into the physical changes we want to see, whether that’s through fitness and aesthetic goals or with our behaviors in making choices that serve us well instead of keeping us stuck in relationships, career, and life.
About the Author:
COACH DEE | CERTIFIED PERSONAL TRAINER ACE—CPT, PPSC, TIWL
Deborah Park, known as Coach Dee, is the owner of Drip Training LLC and an ACE Certified Personal Trainer and Health Coach. With a background in architecture and kinesiology from the University of Virginia, she has extensive experience in personal training and athletic coaching in a clinical (physical therapy) setting. Coach Dee combines her scientific knowledge with years of hands-on experience to create programs that empower clients to regain control over their bodies and minds.
Her journey into personal training was deeply influenced by her personal struggles, including recovering from a life-changing car accident that led to PTSD and pain from scoliosis. This experience gave her a unique understanding of the connection between mental health and physical well-being. Coach Dee is committed to helping clients develop resilience, build strength, and rediscover their confidence—no matter the challenges they face.
